Our cancer journey

 Overall, things are good. The surgeon said he had to peel tumor off the motor area, but he thinks he was able to get it all off. He doesn't think he damaged any motor or speech areas during the surgery. Eric didn't have any seizures and was able to stay awake during the brain mapping portion, which is good as they were able to get an idea of the extent of the tumor prior to sedating him for the resection. We will know more after the MRI today. The extent of resection is important for prognosis, but even with full resection, microscopic bits are left, so they may do additional therapies (chemotherapy, radiation) or just continue close monitoring for regrowth with MRIs. The next steps depend on the tumor histology and genetic results.  Eric is doing alright. He has had a little headache, but not much pain. He is sleepy and gets tired after a few minutes of concentration. He had PT, OT, and speech therapy come this morning. He has some deficits on the left side, more with fine m...

Cancer makes explicit all of the implicit assumptions. Once you start to peel away all the things you take for granted, you realize how truly fragile life is. Life is a glass flower that even breath could shatter. You assume your husband will be the same tonight as last night. That he will walk, talk, laugh, love. The possibility of anything else is absurd. But cancer steals that certainty. It makes you realize that the life you take for granted is built on a foundation of thousands of assumptions about the successful workings of the complex differential equation of your body, your life, and your universe. In truth, if one tiny strut of that foundation cracks, the whole thing could come tumbling down. He may not walk tomorrow at this time. He may not talk. His personality may change. He may have to relearn those things, just like our 1-year-old daughter.  Nobody knows. Somewhere, now, they are preparing to open his skull, to expose his brain. To them, it is just an organ to be diss...

 I am privileged to have spent much of my adult years without toxic stress. There are studies that show that toxic stress (fear of safety of our body, not knowing if we can afford basics like rent or food) actually changes epigenetic signatures. These changes in epigenetics can affect the germ cells in our body. If you are a pregnant woman, it can affect the germ cells in the fetus. Stress can change the genetics of your grandchild this way. It makes poverty and domestic violence a generational affair. As we learn more about genetics, we learn more about the nuances of genetic regulation. It used to be a clear dogma- DNA to RNA to protein. Now we know it's so much more complex, with hundreds of tuning layers in between those steps. I also grew to appreciate the effects of toxic stress more after I read "Between the World and Me," by Ta-Nehisi Coates a few years ago. This is a book about how black identity is a literal threat to the body of a black man. When there is a thr...