"you cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness"
On the day before, I read a Billy Collins book, and for a few hours everything was beautiful. But then, you had a seizure, and that was not beautiful. The next night, I couldn’t sleep, even though I was spent. I placed my hand on your head as you dreamt, palm above the tumor, and paced through five stages of grief. Now, there is still beauty: a burning blue sky, the cut of a blackbird wing across the sun. But I can't stop thinking about the cancer, and how I don’t know when it will wake, and pull you under. but then, I guess, no one ever does. ----------------- I still have a bandaid on my leg that I put on before the cancer diagnosis. It was that recent. Not that I haven't showered since then, but I guess bandaid technology has reached an apex. I was shaving, using a relatively new Venus razor but one that recently fell apart a little, and nicked my skin. Not a big deal. But it feels like a different person put on that bandaid, in a different life. One thing many people no ...